Poppa Can You Fix It.

Introducing self proclaimed advice columnist and life style guru Don Poppa. You can usually find him having his signature vodka, clam juice and seltzer martini any weekday around noon at Drunky's Corner Tap in Bridgeport. He'll be sitting on the same barstool he sat on when got the call from his wife saying that she was leaving him which also happens to be the same stool where his supervisor found him when didn't come back from lunch again and fired him on the spot. Still he calls it his lucky stool. You don't have to ask for his help, just sit at the bar long enough and you'll here him sing in a voice that sounds like gravel sliding down a sewer pipe "Poppa can you fix it". The melody will sound familiar, but you won't be able to place it. And that damn song, it'll stick in your head like an infection, right down to way way he holds that last note until you can hear the final wheeze off breath painfully squeezed out. The next thing you hear is a slow slurping and the dull thud of glass on wood as he puts his drink back down. Regulars know not to make eye contact but the new condos in the neighborhood always brings in someone looking to soak up what's left of the local color and they don't know any better. The regulars just smile, they know what's coming. For someone his size he moves with a certain stealth and grace and before you know it he's so close you can the smell tomato and clam on his breath. " You'd ever see dat show Dr. Phil, dat asshole ain't even a real doctor I know more 'n dat prick. Go ahead ask me something anything". Then he'll sing it again "Poppa can you fix it" but you already know the answer.